because I complain a lot! 11 things I’m grateful for

The other day I found myself complaining about how tired I was of having to carry the groceries up the stairs in my building. Then, I complained about all the toys that were blocking my way in. Then I complained about how long it took for the water to get warm while my daughter stood freezing next to me. After that, I complained about how foggy the mirror was and I couldn’t see myself clearly (No, I did not complain about that because I keep all my  mirrors spotless so I can always look at my beautiful face). And then it hit me: I complain about everything! I complain about this and I complain about that, without even realizing that I have everything I need. I have money to buy food, stairs that take me up to my heated home, water that magically appears with just the turn of the knob.

All this complaining is making me grumpier than what I usually am. So I decided then and there that every time I complain about something (because who am I kidding, I’ll probably never stop), I’m going to think about at least one thing to be grateful for, like dry shampoo for example, because no one really has time to wash their hair that often.

I ran to tell my husband all about it, but I had to run back to the bathroom and wrap my daughter up in a towel so she wouldn’t freeze. So then I ran back, but then ran back to the bathroom to turn off the running water, seriously people, let’s not waste it. I ran back one more time, but then ran back to the bathroom because my daughter kept screaming that I had wrapped her too tight, fallen on the floor and was wiggling like a worm.

When I finally got to him (sweating and out of breath because clearly I don’t work out at all) and shared with him this life changing epiphany, he looks up and says, “REALLY???” Sarcasm. He owns it.

So I have made myself this list of things to be grateful for that I will be putting up on my refrigerator door to look at every time I lose my sh*t. I was going to wait until November to post this, because you know, Thanksgiving and stuff, but why wait? I’ll just beat everyone to the punch and post this in October.

11 Things I’m Grateful For

My daughters – Not only they’re the sweetest, smartest, best smelling little girls I know (yes, I smell them and they smell like marshmallows and puffy clouds mixed together. No you may not smell them), but they are the source of my never-ending mood swings. I appreciate that because every time they make me angry, they also make me infinitely happy. They make me yell, but they also make me laugh uncontrollably.  They make me question my intelligence every time they ask a question like, “what is a mammal and what’s the difference between them and reptiles?” To what I answer “welllll…..mammals have hairs….I think….oh look, your show is on!” But they also make me smarter because I’ve never googled so much crap as I’ve done in the past 7 years.

My husband – Because I am a moody bitch that never uses the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion and some how he still loves me.

Coffee – The reason I am not currently serving time for murder.  Ok, so maybe I won’t kill you if you talk to me before the caffeine takes over my body, but I will probably attack you.  Thank you coffee for keeping alive all the people I love.

Friends –   Because my husband will never give me an honest answer when I ask him what he thinks about an outfit, or if I still look pretty with these few extra pounds. I don’t know if he’s being sweet or just plain scared. Either way, he’s no good. So that’s when your friends step in. To tell you that outfit looks hideous and that you’re better off just burning it instead of not wearing it.

Chocolate – No need to explain myself. Chocolate.

24 hour healthcare – You know that if your child is going to get sick, it’s going to be in the middle of the night. No way for them to start throwing up a storm, say, I don’t know, 10 a.m.? 2 p.m.?  Any time between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. would be great kids. Please and thank you.  Nobody wants to leave the house at 2 in the morning when it’s 25 degrees outside (oh yes, it has happened), especially your Caribbean born parents. So thank you, 24 hour urgent care places. We’re all too familiar with you and we hope not to visit you again this winter.

Ancient Persian Riders – Who are they you might ask? They are the geniuses behind high heel shoes, or so says Wikipedia, and of course I trust the Wiki people because they are highly reliable. Having an impressive height of 5-ft tall, you can usually see me wearing high heels, wedges and anything that can lift me off the floor at least one inch, because I am damn tired of having to climb over anything (and that includes people) in order to reach the adult cereal boxes at the store.

Carbs –   Even though there’s an evil hidden in all of them, they are my faithful companion during the long, cold winter days; during my grumpy days; and pretty much during any other day of the year.  Forget ice cream pints or shots of tequila. Nothing makes me feel better than a bowl of white rice (yes, I said white, calm down) or any bread, potato, or anything starchy for that matter. One time a guy broke up with me (the nerve!) and instead of drowning my sorrows in a bottle of vodka, I ate a whole pot of rice.

Razors – No one wants a grizzly bear walking around, and shaving my legs with my husband’s internationally acclaimed, super expensive, extra shiny, professional chef’s knife is a big no-no, and also gross.

‘N Sync – Greatest boy band ever. Do not discuss with me, in my mind they’re still together. Remember that time that guy broke up with me and I cried over a pot of white rice? I was listening to Bye Bye Bye because I don’t wanna be a fool for you, just another player in your game for two…

And finally, let us join our hands together and be grateful for David Beckham’s existence.

 

image via etsy.com

image via etsy.com

What are you grateful for?  If you say sour gummy worms I will love you forever.

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#becausefútbol

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I feel like everyone and their mother has something to say about soccer fútbol these days, so of course, I’m not going to be the only one not saying anything!

I’ve never  been a soccer fan, I don’t know the rules or the names of most of the players, all I know is that the team that scores the most goals wins, so obviously I’m not confident enough to carry on a conversation with anyone that knows more than me, basically I can only talk about it with my daughters, and most of the time I’m just making stuff up because they have no idea either and believe everything I say.  But when my country (GO COLOMBIA!!!) is rocking  the World Cup after 16 years of not qualifying, emotions are bound to take over my body and I turn into their #1 fan, that, and I suddenly start developing a serious case of Tourette’s. I don’t think I’ve ever cursed so much and so loud since the last time I went on a roller coaster and my shoulder got dislocated. While my mom  is (decently) calming her nerves by praying to every single saint out there, with every single rosary she owns and every single cross she has (and of course she has to cross ALL her fingers because if not we will lose), I on the other hand am cursing like a sailor in front of my kids and don’t even care.  Do you know what HIJUEPUTA means? It means SON OF A B…and I’ve been screaming it at the top of my lungs for the past 40 minutes because why the hell haven’t we scored yet? Not my proudest moment as a parent. My 6 year old covers her ears because “oh my gosh you’re so loud and you’re not making any sense!”, at least I don’t think she understands what my perfectly pronounced spanish curse words mean and as long as she doesn’t repeat them in front of my husband I should be fine. As much as I try to control my emotions, I just can’t control my language. I don’t know where these words are coming from! I swear my parents raised me right. It’s like the spirit of profanity possesses me or something. And after the games are over I look at my innocent daughters and think oh lord what have I done? They’re going to grow up to be trucker princesses.

She watched the whole game like this. Also, please notice how she's wearing a rosary on her wrist AND around her neck.

She watched the whole game like this. Lets all appreciate how she’s wearing a rosary on her wrist AND around her neck. Cuteness overload.

I don’t know how my heart has managed so much stress lately too. It works over time on every game, I think it’s getting all the cardio its been missing for the past  months, add to that sweaty palms, panic attacks, pulling my hair, nervous tics, anxiety…all of it. Apparently I growl too. Also, my kids have been taking care of themselves, making their own lunches and snacks, I almost let my oldest one drive her sister to the park the other day. She’s 6. No time to be a responsible parent, Colombia needs all of my attention and good vibes.

Pray I don’t have a heart attack or completly neglect my daughters on our next game, which by the way is on the 4th of July, so I will be either celebrating Colombia’s victory and our Independence Day or I will be crying and celebrating our Independence Day because hello USA rocks too!

Let’s hope my mom doesn’t forget to cross ALL her fingers.

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Can someone please make this flag for me?